Strange

About a year ago, I thought I had put a couple very big parts of my life away for good. I was entering into a new phase of my life, turning over another leaf, changing the baby's diaper, letting bygones be bygones, etc. However, since about a year ago, about a year has gone by, and I don't have much to show for it. I'm still at BYU, I still have the same job, I still did the same thing this summer as I've done for years, and alas, no babies' diapers to change. Strange, this change, or lack thereof. Smooth is stranger than friction, it seems.

So, what the heck can I learn from this?: Sad is the journey validated only by milestones. The journey of 1,000 miles not only has a 1st step, but also a 749,531st step. Is that step going to suck? I'm not exactly sure how many steps it would take to walk 1,000 miles, but I'm pretty sure it would take more than that... assuming a 3-foot stride, of course. I'm sure one could do the math, but I'm not going to. Anyway, Life is not only about reaching goals, it's also about reaching; it's not only about winning races, it's about racing; it's not only about changing diapers, but filling them as well. From the right perspective, some pains can be pleasures. i.e. work becomes working out, etc. You don't have to look to the future to find meaning when real Meaning can be found in simple, seemingly mundane, everyday activities. Life, the way it is right now, is worth living.

Here goes something

I haven't had any specific lessons, axioms, maxims, come to mind that I want to write about lately, so I'm just going to write and see where it gets me. I feel less adequate to teach people how to live these days, but I'd like to think that there's still value to my experiences.
One thing that has been on my mind is how hard it is to honestly share how I feel about what's going on around us. Emotional reservation is good sometimes; a lot of what I feel in any given moment has little meaning and value. But I also get the feeling as if we're all just being emotional spies, pulling the wool over each other's eyes to keep our true emotional identities hidden. like I said: not always bad. I'm careful about before whom I cast my pearls... please disregard that I'm blogging my feelings for the wide, wide world right now. Then again, maybe you shouldn't. look at me, emotionally opening up...
Alright, here's the deal: I'm going to try to be more honest with how I feel. Not just here, but in the real, real world of people too. Maybe not so much what I "feel" about things, which is usually just an excuse for people to be critical and brutal, but how things make me feel. I'd like people to know where I stand emotionally.
Wouldn't it be nice if you knew what that one person was feeling?! Well, you can be that one person! Finally all your wildest dreams of being a one person can come true, and the power is in your hands... or tears? I don't know if that's exactly the type of emotion I mean, but you get the point.

If you write it...

Quite a few people have been asking me to blog again... I'm not sure if they mean it, or if it's just a nice way for them to let me know that they know I even have a blog. Well, either way, I'm flattered. Thank you. I'd like to say that I'm going to-- I do have plenty of time-- but I'm not sure if I have the patience with my own thoughts these days. by that, I mean that I used to think that what I thought was a big deal. I have since been walking the long road to the realization that few people care what I think about things. For, if I cannot inseminate the world's minds with my mind, what's the point?! The road to intrinsically motivated writing awaits.
Sometimes i wonder if the real reason I've stopped is that I've gotten all the thoughts out of my head, and there are no more to write. I don't know if anyone who talks with me often would agree. I do think a lot, but lately my thoughts have been about specific situations and people, which makes me hesitant to publish them on the wide, wide world of webs.
Another possible reason: I don't own a computer. ... yeah, that's probably the reason.
Anyway, I'm out of the habit of blogging and writing in general. I don't think I was ever that good, but I feel rusty nonetheless.
I started with a point... here it is: I'll try. But, here's another point: Words can be weapons, and in the recent past I have ruined (at least to some extent) friendships and relationships with words. The justification: "I was right". Stupid. being right is stupid sometimes. and what the heck does that mean, anyway? Being right doesn't keep you warm at night.
So, with a little more reservation, I'll try to get back in on this deal.
I'm still trying to figure out what people even would be interested in reading. let me know if you have any ideas.