Come on Alex! You can do it!

Sometimes I think about what I'm doing at any given time and wonder "if a snapshot was taken of me at this moment, would it be accurate in illustrating 'Alex'?". It's hard for me to decide whether I mean what I want people to think of me, or if it's accurate to who I really am. I think about it sometimes to the point of influencing the way I walk around, or how I'm talking to people, when I really should just be listening to what they're saying to me. I usually forget people's names as soon as they tell them to me because I'm too focused on how I'm going to introduce myself.
Today the snapshot thought came to me while I was in my psychological statistics class. I was sitting sideways in my desk with one of my legs rested on the empty chair next to me, my book open to the wrong chapter on the desk of the aforementioned empty chair, my Ipod on my lap with one of the headphones in my left ear (the ear closest to the back wall as to not be detected easily), and I was jotting down what the professor was writing on the blackboard, most likely just to convince myself that I had a reason to be in class. The thought kind of made me laugh, but I immediately put my pod away, sat up straight, and tried to concentrate harder on what was going on. I don't think I'd want many people to see that picture of me. A good picture says a thousand pictures. I want to be proud of my Alex movie. So I spent the rest of my time in class thinking about taking important things more seriously and forgot to learn what I was in there for.
Conclusion: I am very subconsciously self conscious. I'm pretty sure that's an oxymoron, but it's the only way I can describe how I feel, which is apparently very important to me. I just want everyone's attention to be on me as much as mine is. is that too much to ask?! I start my bowling class in 20 minutes. good luck to me not worrying too much about how I look when I'm bowling so I can actually learn something.