Heartbeats (LLL addendum)

I get very discouraged when people don't respond the way I think they should to the situations I throw them into. I get so focused on the results that I want that I forget about their wants. That's silly of me. I was talking to a very good friend today about my frustrations, and he helped me realize that I can't be so focused on myself. It's interesting how that works: the more you focus on getting what you want in relationships, the less likely you are to get it. I think that's because relationships are life. Not because having a lot of friends is the measure of happiness, but because real happiness is based on your ability to love people. Love is concern for others. When you're focused on yourself, you're missing the point of being in relationships.

I've been in quite a few romantic relationships (or at least quasi-relationships) in the past couple of years and I've come to an interesting conclusion: The more I put my heart into it and risk vulnerability, focusing on the desires of the other person instead of my own, the more resolve I have to put everything into the next relationship when that one doesn't work out. You'd think that putting it all on the line would make you bitter and timid if it didn't work out, but from my experience, it's the opposite. I remember the times my motives were self-serving. I wasn't able to make myself vulnerable because I was focused on my own comfort. I still feel bitter and uneasy about some of those relationships. The few relationships I've been in where I can honestly say my motivations were completely pure are the ones in which I was able to love more, and also the ones that hurt the least when they were over. Even though the title of "girlfriend" was removed, they were more to me than the position, and I was able to continue caring about them as a friend. I never had to "get over" them because they were more to me than just the way they made me feel.

Every relationship effects the type of person you become. If your intentions are pure and you react positively, no matter how it ends up, it will have been a good experience that makes you better. Don't get over what defines you: the people you fill your life with. Life is not about using people to reach your desired ends, it's about loving people in the process of getting there. No time spent risking vulnerability, putting your heart on the line or showing genuine affection, no time loving is ever wasted time. I've regretted every time I've hated, but I've never regretted loving.