Lost the day waiting...

I've already written most of the things that have been on my mind lately, so posts may be a lot less frequent than they have been. This one will be focused on tying some of the others together.

I spend a lot of time wishing something grand would cross my path. If something good happens to me, that might just be enough to make me happy. All my efforts are wasted waiting. Lately I've been thinking a lot about why I'm uncomfortable with the person I've become so far. I know that's normal and even healthy if you deal with it in an optimistic way; there's a lot of room for progress toward infinite perfection. However, my discontent doesn't come from the regret of not having gone places or even the lack of entertaining opportunities, it comes from realizing I could have done more; I could have created more; I could have become more.

Of course, worrying about the "could have's" doesn't solve anything. I need to focus on the can's. My mom commented on my "Rhymes with boomerang" post, encouraging me that it's never too late to learn how to play the guitar. I guess that's true about anything. I'm sure you could have been better at it, whatever that may be, had you started earlier, but life's long and good intentions are proven by realizing them.
It's even scientifically true that "you are what you eat." In possibly an even more scientific way, I also think that "you are what you create." That follows the same principle that what you think, you say, what you say, you do, and what you do, you are. If you don't create anything, you don't become anything. The glory if God is His creations, and the happiness of His kingdom is sharing in that glory. The closest way we can emulate God is through creation, in a very literal (and for that reason, sacred) way, through having children, but also in other, more figurative (which I also feel are sacred) ways such as music, art, poetry, writing, ideas, opinions, and even friendships.

The way you can be in control of your happiness is by being in control of what makes you happy (duh). I was talking with my friend yesterday about the difference between depending on other people to control your happiness, and letting other people be a source of your happiness. life is relationships. when you depend on other people to make you happy, it's completely one sided. They become means to an end; assets to your pleasure, placeholders and positions. You can't really love them even though you need them. but when you let other people be a source of your happiness, it's your responsibility. You can be happy through serving them. You really learn to love them because love is defined by how closely your emotions are influenced by those of the other person; when they are happy, you are happy. Lust is an experience, but Love is a creation. The way you feel about people is your responsibility. You can't find the one you love until you serve the ones you find. You can't just wait for love to cross your path; it's not just an experience. You have to create it.